If I Had One Of These ...

So I've been at my new desk at work for just under four weeks now. I have pretty much the essentials: (some) desk surface to write on ... a functioning computer with Internet access (heh) ... I even got my own pencil sharpener.

But despite this, and a few knicknacks I keep to make my desk more "me" like (ie. miniature gnome I got in a workplace Secret Santa last Christmas, the magnet I got from my boss on his return from Turkey, and the stress cow I keep for special occasions), something is still missing.

I mean, one of my co-workers has pictures on his desk. Another has not one, but TWO globes of the world perched up on hers. What the hell do I have? My workspace really doesn't have any character, no identity ... nuttin'.

And then, while cleaning my desk earlier this week, it hit me. I need something to store my pens and pencils. But not just in anything.

I need a pimp cup. With my name on it in big, shiny, gems.

You know what I'm talkin' about. Those iced-out magic goblets crunk and gangsta rappers (and sometimes, their wives) use to carry their "crunk juice" (not to be confused with Michael Jackson's "Jesus Juice") in.

I think there are SO many pros to having one. Aside from it being the most kick-ass pencil-and-pen holder ever, it would definitely be a talking piece to anyone that would visit my workspace. And no one I know of that works in my building has one. (And if there is someone who does, we're going to have to have a discussion.)

Plus, I'd be able to use it on special occasions when someone decides to open a bottle of wine.

And potentially best of all - it could also work to my advantage in work situations. Say I don't want to do something. The pimp cup could give me an excuse to be totally obnoxious:

Co-worker: Hey, could you go and get this news item from our satellite desk. We need it for our show.

Me (grabs the pimp cup and empties out the contents): What?

Co-worker: I said, could you please go and get the news -

Me: What?!

Co-worker: (looks at me strangely) Are you deaf? I need the -

Me (stands, holding pimp cup to one side): WHAT?!

Co-worker: (exasperated sigh) Oh, forget it. I'll just go and get it myself. (Walks away)

Me: (Raising my pimp cup) O-KAY!

See? So many advantages. I think L'il Jon and the rest of them may have been on to something.

So, potential Secret Santas, consider the biggest hint EVER as to what I want for our gift exchange in December. Take a good, long, hard look at it.

Now get to workin'.